


Guilty of loving you too much.

by TooAceForThisShit



Series: KuroKen Week 2020 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, KuroKen Week, KuroKen Week 2020, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Only One Bed, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23656009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooAceForThisShit/pseuds/TooAceForThisShit
Summary: Tetsurou didn’t think this is what would happen when he came over earlier that day, it hadn’t even crossed his mind that he’d once again end up in the same bed as his childhood best friend, the best friend he happened to have a crush on as big as Russia.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: KuroKen Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1702006
Comments: 4
Kudos: 74





	Guilty of loving you too much.

Tetsurou didn’t think this is what would happen when he came over earlier that day, it hadn’t even crossed his mind that he’d once again end up in the same bed as his childhood best friend, the best friend he happened to have a crush on as big as Russia. It’s not like the weather was that bad, but the longer he looked out the window, with the howling winds and the rain coming down in harsh drops, he willed it to let up, so he could at least make it to his parent’s house at least then he’d sort of be safe from… God, he was stupid! 

It’s not like Kenma was going to do anything, they were just going to sleep, that’s all, nothing more nothing less. He let the curtain drop from his hand, he jumps when he turns to see Kenma’s mom staring at him, looking at him with the same calculating look that Kenma has. She raises her eyebrow at him, “I hope you’re not thinking you’re leaving in this weather.” 

“Uh--no! I was just--” he points vaguely to the window, hoping that makes up for his fumbled reply from the way her glare intensives she still doesn’t believe him. He deflates, rubbing the back of his neck, “I didn’t want to put you guys out or anything-” before he can even finish his sentence she crosses the space between them. 

“Don’t be silly, Tetsu-chan.” she says with a small smile, “You’ve been here too many times, just because you’re away at that fancy college of yours doesn’t mean you’re not still family.” she doesn’t let him get a word in, she drags him into a hug, squeezing him tightly. “Now let’s get you settled.” she lets him go, heading up the stairs with as he follows behind. 

All of this giving him a sense of Deja Vu, of all the times when he was younger where he found himself in this exact place, as much as he wouldn’t like to admit it’s been a while since he stayed at Kenma’s, the last few times he’d seen Kenma it was mostly him coming up to see him, and not the other way around because in Kenma’s words; he never can be too far from his studies. 

Which is a total lie he can totally be away from his studies look at him!! He’s here!

When he makes it back to Kenma’s room he’s in the same spot as when he left, laying on his bed with his phone above his head as he plays a game, he hasn’t moved in inch in the time it took him to call his parents and then his roommate his phone having died hours ago, now charging on the nightstand with a charger that you had to hold weirdly to even get it to charge. 

He stands awkwardly in the doorway, dressed in his Nekoma sweat pants and hoodie he left here years ago, his ankles showing more than he remembers. Now actually facing the bed where he’d been sitting for hours it feels much more charged in the sense now he actually has to sleep there, instead of sitting there and watching Kenma play games. 

It just feels different. 

Kenma gives him a brief glance, then a longer one when he realizes he’s not moving, “What are you doing?” he mumbles, his eyes going back to his game and staying there.   
Tetsurou feels his face heating up, he forces himself out of the doorway, closing it behind him. He stands in the middle of the room, “Oh y’know just standing.” rocking back on his heels. 

Why can’t he just be normal for five fucking seconds, instead of making a fool of himself?

Kenma rolls on to his side, “Stop being weird, and just come here.” he pats the side of the bed, flicking off the light he crawls into bed, he knows he’s tense, and no he doesn’t want to be tense, but he can feel Kenma’s right there, and he’s so close. 

He had hoped this would feel the same as when they were kids, where they had no clue what personal space was, and they’d fall into one another and it would be safe, and he would be fine. 

But no, his stupid brain has to remind him that Kenma smells like apples and his hair is really soft, and when he smiles it feels like it’s for him, and fucking shit he’s dumb. 

Kenma lets out a huff next to him, the room dimming more when he lets his screen turn off, his body tenses more as he feels Kenma move closer until he’s resting his head on his shoulder, and he’s breathing on his neck and Tetsurou doesn’t know what to do, his brain is both screaming at him to run home and to put an arm around Kenma and pull him ever so closer. 

His body does neither of those things, he’s sure Kenma can hear how hard his heart his beating, and if it were lighter he could defiantly see the red on his face and ears, hell Kenma can probably hear everything he’s thinking from how loud it is. 

He’s not sure how much time has passed to him it feels like he’s been laying there both for forever and seconds. Kenma must have said something from how he’s leaning over him with an expecting look on his face, waiting for him to say something. 

“What?” his voice doesn’t sound like his own, and as his eyes adjust to the lighting, he can see the exasperation painted on his face the frow of his brows, the down tilt of his lips. 

“I asked why you’re being weird,” Kenma says deadpan, his eyes studying his face, Kenma doesn’t seem affected at all with how close they are, he knew before that Kenma didn’t like him but the longer he lays here he realizes how much Kenma just sees him as a friend and nothing more. 

It hurts, like a knife in his chest being slowly turned. He squeezes his eyes shut, then reopens them, he looks down not at Kenma’s face, he doesn’t think he could take that look right now, looking into his soul, knowing him like the back of his hand feels more and more like a mistake when Kenma knows him just as well. “I’m not being weird.” 

Kenma sighs, he can hear him rolling his eyes, “You’re being weird.” 

“No, I’m not!” 

“Yes, you are.” 

He shakes his head, “I am not.” 

He can’t help but peer up at Kenma, he always wants to see him, he can’t help himself. 

The longer he looks at him the more he notices that Kenma’s not actually annoyed with him, Kenma locks eyes with him and stays that way, studying him, Tetsurou wants him to stop, and another part wants him never to stop looking at him. 

“Kuro,” 

The same nickname as when they were children, his chest suddenly feels heavy. His eyes flicker away from his, he stares at the ceiling, the outline of the Zelda poster he helped put up years ago, he can barely make out the corner where the tape lost its stickiness. 

“Kenma.” 

The silence that follows feels charged, he desperately wants to break it, yet his mind is blank, he can hear his heart beating in his ears, he grips the bedsheets in his fists, he wants to hide his face in the pillows and never emerge again forever safe within them. 

The pillows probably smell of Kenma. 

“You haven’t been yourself since you left.” The way Kenma states it breaks his heart in two, he wants to reach out. 

He doesn’t. 

Tetsurou knows why he’s been distant, he made it so. He couldn’t make himself text him, call him, as soon as they were far apart from one another all he could think of was how he’d been in love with his best friend since Kenma’s first year of high school. 

And then he was alone, in a room with someone he didn’t know, with classes he couldn’t grasp. 

And Kenma wasn’t there. 

He had to move on, he couldn’t make Kenma uncomfortable, Kenma didn’t like boys, he hardly liked people, hell he hardly liked him. He feels bad as soon as he thinks it, Kenma may not like being around people, but he--he had to like him, they were friends for years, he---

The hand on his face jerks him out of his thoughts abruptly, dragging his eyes from the ceiling, they lock once more with Kenma’s eyes, his hair falling around his face. 

“Did I do something.” 

He shakes his head before Kenma can even finish, he feels like a dick, he didn’t want to make Kenma think this had been his fault, it was his, all his and he had to own up to it, he may have ruined his one good friendship with a stupid crush but it wasn’t Kenma’s fault… 

“No! No uhh, I just--have been busy?” he winces as it comes out as a question. 

Kenma pins him with his eyes, he gulps, they stare at each other. 

Kenma squints down at him, “Are you sure?” 

He nods his head, he lets out a breath, once Kenma settles in again next to him, glad to be away from his scrutiny. “Stop being tense.” Kenma states poking him in the side. He squeaks as he’s poked a few more times in the ribs. 

He tries to relax, closing his eyes, and waiting for Kenma to move away, he never liked being this close when they were younger, it was always him, he wanted to be as close as possible. 

This time its Kenma wrapping his arms around his waist, his breath on his neck, nose pressed close, Tetsurou tries to enjoy himself, let himself have this without guilt, he closes his eyes tightly than all at once forces himself to relax. 

Lightly putting an arm around Kenma, just holding him letting him leave whenever he wants.   
He can’t imagine falling asleep, every point of contact feels like it’s burning through his skin. 

He listens to the rain as it hits the windowpane, lets it take him away, lets himself think of the times when they were kids and all he had to worry about was getting Kenma to come outside with him, and not about the last time they shared a bed, not about how it was his last day before he went away to college, or about how it just going to be him in a new place and Kenma would be exactly where he’s always been, but not next to him. 

He lets it go if he holds Kenma closer it’s only him he has to blame.

**Author's Note:**

> we did it, lads, we finished. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated. 
> 
> Until next time-TooAceForThisShit.


End file.
